JournalismPakistan.com June 1, 2013
Someone won 4000 million pounds in the British Lotto a couple of days ago.
I want to be a winner. Badly. So badly I can taste it.
These days I have this tremendous desire to win something. I'd like to win a car; a villa on the Costa del Sol; a family trip Business Class to Disneyland all expenses paid; gold; cold cash. Oodles of it. Stuff that makes all our friends play house to the green eyed monster.
Then I can act blasé, pretend these windfalls come into my life on a monotonously regular basis and really, good fortune isn' t everything in the world, there are other more important things like family life, health and sitting together with good friends watching one-day matches on the telly…where do you guys live, here, eat my dust.
I want to have my photograph in the papers and be interviewed so I can say all these intelligent things that winners say when they win like the money had upgraded their wisdom quotient. Like, I am thrilled, I didn' t expect it. I believe in good, clean virtuous living, which is why I won. I will give 32 percent to charity and nine percent to my favorite aunt who looked after me when I was young…gawarrrrrrnnnnn.
The winners look happy as they perch on their cars (even if they don' t have driving licenses) and they say these sweet, syrupy things about thanking everyone around them for their blessings and you want to say, look, really, don't thank me, because I am so miserable about your win, you can' t even guess how miserable.
Like with bullets, I know that somewhere out there is a fortune with my name on it, just waiting to be won. Only a question of time before I can hold the press conference and take my million home.
Lying in bed at night I practice my acceptance speech. What'll I say as I drive the Aston Martin out of Dubai Duty Free? How I'll tell the Mashreq Bank folks, thanks for the million bucks but I am putting it offshore.
Then I want to swan into one of the malls and be stared at as that guy who won the villa or the ten kilos of gold and act cool, so cool.
I have been wanting to act cool since I993 and it just does not happen.
(The writer is a Senior Editorial Advisor of Khaleej Times and the paper’s former Editor. He has also been the Editor of Gulf News, Gulf Today, Emirates Today and Bahrain Tribune)
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