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01:47 AM
Bikram Vohra
JournalismPakistan.com
April 18, 2014
Airline advertising probably has everything else beat for sheer myth. You have these ads which promise you floating ethereal apparitions of beauty doing your bidding and the whole aviation system geared to your every whim. Like flying economy class was some sort of dream sequence from a Hindi movie. Not that any of this dreamy stuff actually happens when you get shoved on board in an 18 inch space but that's madvertising for you.
Very close to airline hardsell these days is bankvertising. All these banks telling you how much they love you and how every waking moment they are thinking of your comfort, your interest, your peace of mind. And you want to cry because it is like when they wake up in the morning bankers all over the world brush their teeth and reiterate their commitment to global peace and harmony and march out to their offices ready to do battle for us poor customers.
I weep with joy when I read these ads because it makes me feel so secure and safe to know these guys are beavering away just for my sake, their every move a testimony to their love and affection, how no account is too small , no customer unimportant.
No wonder then that I am in a state of shock when a draft given to me in my name is sent to my bank and three days later I am told to come and collect the draft.
Thinking I am going to get a wad of crisp, sweet smelling notes from my friendly, always at my service bank I drive up only to find the draft has been returned uncashed by another bank where it had been sent and now it has been sent once again.
So we send it again, and five days later it boomerangs back and I get a second call from the first bank telling me the third bank has not honored it because the second bank has not cleared it.
So much for microsecond transfers.
Anyway, armed for battle with these beloved brethren in the bank I finally am ushered into a meeting with a GM (Regional) who asks me how my health is.
I tell him my health would be a jolly sight rosier if I got my money.
He says my case has been studied and the problem is that unless the bank in the US clears the draft and confirms it the money cannot be paid.
I say, I thought the whole point of a draft was to expedite payment, which is what makes it different from a cheque, yes, the people who made that draft have already paid the money to the bank which is why I got a draft, yes, am I correct, on track, getting it right?
He says, in layman terms, yes.
So, I say, okay, I am a layman, I am so layman other laymen see me as a layman, so in my terms where is the money.
He says, you see the money has been given to us but we cannot give it to you unless New York gives us a green signal because it is a dollar draft.
I say, in all the books I read and the movies I see you chaps are always moving millions from one account to another, faster than Email, so why is my draft where the money has already been paid up front not being given to me.
He says he doesn't like the tenor of my voice, it sounds offensive.
I tell him even I don't like the tenor of my voice but aren't they here for my convenience, shouldn't they be helping rather than making it more difficult.
He says, rules are rules, we can do nothing until Reason 17 is complied with and that means the drawer must confirm receipt of payment.
I say, spoken like a true bureaucrat, just tell me one thing, if you cannot cash a draft instantly what is the difference between the draft and a cheque...in layman terms.
He says, a cheque has to be realized, it can bounce, in a draft the money is guaranteed.
I say, naw, go on, get out of here, really, guaranteed, huh?
He says, yes, guaranteed.
So I say, if it is guaranteed why can't you give me the money.
And he says, sorry, I have other customers to meet, nice talking to you.
You know what, I don't believe bankvertising.
It is now 22 days and my draft still hasn't been encashed. I might as well have asked for a cheque.
From a layman's point of view, that's 22 days of interest gained by the ever-loving banks holding someone else's money multiplied by thousands of other yokels who don't get their drafts cleared because New York or whatever hasn't signed it.
Give me a break.
(The writer is a Senior Editorial Advisor of Khaleej Times and the paper’s former Editor. He has also been the Editor of Gulf News, Gulf Today, Emirates Today and Bahrain Tribune)
If my call is so important to them, why don’t they answer it for 22 minutes?
How come when I want to, but something specific online is the only item out of stock.
When I get into a queue or lane going fast, the moment I get in, it becomes the slowest and refuses to budge.
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