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08:57 PM
Bikram Vohra
JournalismPakistan.com
April 5, 2014
If you have to be nasty at least have a class act. Why settle for your common garden variety of nasty? In expatland, by virtue of its impermanence, people feel more secure when they can dump on somebody.
I thought I'd share with you my experience of the ways in which so many of us wield our long knives before we stick them into unsuspecting victims.
Damning with faint praise. This is, by far, the most popular expat sport. You are never outright nasty, you just dribble a little praise onto the person and watch it eat into his reputation like acid.
For example, in the office when it is promotion time and you want to ensure that the contender is derailed. Here are three sentiments you can express:
Good man, we should watch him for the future.
I am grooming him for bigger things.
Hmmmm, worth a second look, let's increase his workload and see if he has what it takes.
You have now successfully destroyed his chances while still earning the image of being a supporter who is concerned for the man's career.
Expats play this game very skillfully in office, with friends, at home, you name it.
The other way to be nasty is to go fishing. That means you show your dislike by alternating between warmth and chill. One day, you are exceptionally nice, the next time you offer a cold shoulder. Like reeling in and reeling out. This has the other party completely off balance and you can thoroughly enjoy the discomfort you cause. At the more affluent levels this exercise is engaged in with marked gusto. One day it is all warmth and good cheer and the next, you face the frost.
A third slice of nasty is the social event snub. This can be delivered by making sure the person knows you are having a few 'exclusive' friends over but not inviting you know who. By making expattish remarks like 'we never mix company' or 'they won't fit in, not for this crowd.' To really rub it in, mention the function or event in the presence of those you deliberately ignored...it is acceptable conduct. Nowhere else in the world do you hear people explaining why they did not invite you.
Start a rumor with denial. Since rumors can seldom be traced back to their roots you are safe and your conscience is clear because you aren't really being nasty merely entertaining.
First salvo: Did you hear, I must have heard wrong but, is it true, heard anything about the TJs, no, nothing, really, nothing, it is just that, ah, forget it.....any of these starters will get attention.
Second salvo: I don't believe it, it cannot be, far be it for me to say anything, it is their personal business, let's stay out of it, must be just some cheap shot rumor, I wouldn't give it any credence, you know what this place is like.
By now you have the world hooked onto your radio station.
Third salvo: time to twist the hook. TJ has looked a bit tense, he sold his car. TJ was asking us if there was some opening in the bank, they are downsizing at his place, she has been away for weeks, very funny, never stayed away that long, they are shifting to a flat(!!!!!!) I asked them if there was something wrong, she was very brave about it, I mean, I hope he survives the reorganization, who doesn't have money problems, live between your means, is what I say, then you won't have to play consequences.
Any of these gambits indicate TJ will lose his job, his wife is having an affair, they have no money, he is desperate for money, could have cleaned the company till, is under a cloud.
Now, having completely destroyed TJ, get out of the mess you have created.
I like them, whatever anyone says, I am on their side, I hope everything works out, frankly, I detest these unfounded rumors ask me, we should ignore such gossip I am sure there is nothing in it, quote me on this, let's talk about other things.
I wish you would, I really wish you would.
Just that, so many of us don't. Pity.
(The writer is a Senior Editorial Advisor of Khaleej Times and the paper’s former Editor. He has also been the Editor of Gulf News, Gulf Today, Emirates Today and Bahrain Tribune)
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