JournalismPakistan.com September 6, 2017
Sat in on a corporate interview the other day and the questions were exactly the same as were asked in 1970 - banal, pointless and clichéd. Everyone lies and no one really cares what is being said, only how you say it.
The candidate looks like he has been through a washing machine, all slick and shiny and nervous as anything and he makes incandescent statements like, may I come in, Sir and thank you for seeing me, Sir may I sit down, Sir…
What do you think that chair is for?
Then come the same questions that are now threadbare with overuse.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years? (Say what, I don’t know where I see myself for dinner tonight, forget a decade and I am sitting here in front of you hunting for a job, what’s with this future perfect thing?).
How do you see yourself fitting into the company? (I don’t have a clue tell me what you want me to say and I’ll say it, just give me the job).
Why did you choose us? (Because you advertised your vacancies, you silly fellow, that’s why, bills to pay, a man has to survive, you are my CV’s 38th destination).
Are you a team player? (Nah, I am a lone wolf, you know I am going to say I am the best team player in the world, I cooperate, take orders, work well with peers, love my seniors, help my juniors, once the contract is signed I shall be another little snitch letting down all my colleagues).
What is your USP? I am hard-working, dedicated, loyal, honest and productive (for all this read I am a sniveling little lickspittle who can pull out the long knives as well as the rest of them and will have no qualms over clambering over the careers of the others to get to the top, so there).
As for loyalty, that is only a lack of option, get the opportunity, out goes loyalty.
Are you prepared to do tenures in the rural branches? (At this moment I am prepared to sit on a tree, swim the Ganges in spate and work from a cave with a hurricane lamp if that is what it takes to be selected).
Are you prepared to be flexible in your salary demands? (Uh oh, they’ve already started rolling the ball down their stingy street. And they haven’t even made the offer yet).
Then the big one, the clever finale:
Why should we select you? (You really expect me to answer that honestly, I mean, really, like because I am made of sterling silver and bring a lot to the table and am to the manner born … if you swallow that you will swallow anything).
(The writer is a Senior Editorial Advisor of Khaleej Times and the paper’s former Editor. He has also been the Editor of Gulf News, Gulf Today, Emirates Today and Bahrain Tribune)
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