JournalismPakistan.com March 03, 2013
So, life has come a full circle it is back to the movies and the pleasures of the big screen and I have to say this about that: Moviegoers are largely a pain in the neck. For one, they come late and wreck it for you. You get people ‘scoozingme’ past you for the next 20 minutes and shoving, pushing and elbowing you as they hunt for their seats, not to mention playing musical chairs as they settle down.
If you want to see a film in a hall with other members of the human race then you should not only be on time you should follow these cardinal rules…..
Please visit the cloak room before you enter the theatre so that you don’t have to rise and grope your way in the dark just when Daniel Day Louis is at his eloquent best. I want to see Bruce Willis on a good day dying hard but not through your silhouette, get it.
By that token, do not shop and bring your bags to the hall, like an ‘overweight’ economy class passenger. Shoppers spread their paper bags all over the place and the crackle of crushing paper can be heard in aisle 22….will you stop that racket.
Also, if you must eat then eat silent food. Snap, crackle, pop and slurp should be made punishable offences. Here you are trying to catch subtle punch lines against masticating teeth on crisp potato wafers and popcorn, especially when they are trrying not to make noise, aaaaahhhh, that drives one insane.
If you have this fascinating story to tell then tell it before entering the hall. Don’t sit down and re-launch your chat show, especially if it is replete with humor so that the next thing we know as strangers in your vicinity is this funny giggling, keening stifled sound coming from the back and it does not go down well with Denzel Washington bringing in his flight. Sometimes you feel like inviting the Gangs of Wasseypur in to fix such folks.
Especially those young punks in groups who shine pen lights on the screen and are looking for a fight.
Now, I’m all for young love but if you want to make out go do it in a car, not in the back row of the movies where we have paid good money to watch Tom Cruise do it in widescreen and technicolour.
Give me a home movie any day.
(The writer is a Senior Editorial Advisor of Khaleej Times and a former Editor of Khaleej Times, Gulf News, Gulf Today, Emirates Today and Bahrain Tribune)
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