JournalismPakistan.com December 5, 2015
When I was running newspapers I travelled biz class and got upgraded to first and it was champagne and caviar all the way. Now I travel low cost all economy and ask my everlovin’ wife to make me an everlovin’ sandwich with her everlovin’ hands and wrap it in silver foil and so take my lunch with me.
On one such flight I pushed my chair to a comfortable reclining (2.6 inches) position and opened up my silver foil redolent with a toasted sandwich. The man on my left said, odd smell, what’s in it? I said I don’t know I haven’t eaten it yet but my wife made this everlovin’ sandwich with her ever lovin’…
He said, it looks like meat, is it meat.
I guess so, I said, battling valiantly for my wife’s culinary choices.
Do you know what meat it is, he asked, have you any clue?
I said, nu huh, which is ‘no’ when you are about to bite into a sandwich made by your wife with her everlovin’…
What if its beef, said the man, what if it is?
Six people on the right of the plane curled their lip in disgust.
We don’t eat beef, I said, as the sandwich stayed untouched.
It could be ham, said the man and two people to the left recoiled in horror.
You just cannot walk onto a plane with a non veg sandwich and not know what it is, he said, raising his voice, don’t you follow the news… I am calling the stewardess.
Two of the uniformed ladies were apprised of the situation. They looked at me with undisguised loathing.
Look, I said bravely, my wife made this everlovin’ sandwich with her everlovin’ hands for her everlovin’ husband and…
Unless you can identify the content, Sir, I will have to ask you to desist from offending other passengers.
But, I said, my wife made it with her everlovin’ hands and…
I am sorry, Sir, do you want me to call the captain.
You can call him what you like, it’s a free country, I said, but there was no heartfelt laughter.
The captain arrived and said, I am the captain which was an astute observation since he had four rings on both sleeves, so what is the problem?
I said, see Cap, my wife made this everlovin’ sandwich with her everl ovin’ hands for her…
It’s unidentified meat, said the air hostess.
Everyone nodded vigorously.
Hmmm, said the captain, this is serious, we will have to take the sandwich into custody and have it examined.
What will I tell my everlovin’ wife, I sobbed, thank the Lord for little mercies, at least I have her garlic and onion mix left.
And the man in the aisle seat said, don’t even think of it.
(The writer is a Senior Editorial Advisor of Khaleej Times and the paper’s former Editor. He has also been the Editor of Gulf News, Gulf Today, Emirates Today and Bahrain Tribune)
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