Bikram Vohra
JournalismPakistan.com
May 7, 2015

Someone I know has just broken off his marriage after 30 odd years and four kids who are all adults. It is not even civil and they are in court battling it out and he says to me on the phone that one should never marry someone you can live with but try and find someone you cannot live without.

Now, that is very profound but how many people get that kind of incredible pairing. Perhaps a couple of generations ago a man and a woman could establish that sort of unquestioning relationship, the sort of togetherness that is almost impossible to grasp in today’s day and age.

The man to woman equation now is more adversarial and competitive and precludes the unquestioned devotion and equation of say 50 years ago.

I won’t blame technology or greed or the need to be independent or even the exhaustion that sets on because we do not work hard enough at a marriage and are bored and diverted much faster and with less incentive than once was.

The grass looks so much greener with other pairs that we believe we have been short-changed and cheated in the deal. This sours laughter and affection and warmth and turns it rancid. Then everything about the other person is like chalk on a blackboard.

Because of financial dependence it is easier to walk away. And if you don’t have it, it is just a question of being miserable.

I remember how my parents were. When one went the other lost her will to live. Literally withered away.

Is that good or is that bad? You be a judge.

But it does remind me of a beautiful little four line:

As unto the bow the cord is

So unto man is Woman,

Though she bends him

Yet she follows.

Useless each without the other.

Maybe it wasn’t such a terrible infringement after all… they had the staying power.  

(The writer is a Senior Editorial Advisor of Khaleej Times and the paper’s former Editor. He has also been the Editor of Gulf News, Gulf Today, Emirates Today and Bahrain Tribune)