JournalismPakistan.com December 22, 2014
I give my wife a sealed envelope.
What is this, she says.
It’s a sealed envelope, I say, it is the big thing now, everyone is into sealed envelopes, there are only two kinds of people in the world, those who have their names in sealed envelopes and those who don’t and the only ones who count are those who do.
What is in it?
A list of my indiscretions.
My indiscretions, you know, all the naughty, wicked things I have done that you don’t know about.
She laughs a dry, mocking laugh which hurts considering how long it took me agonizing over it before running with the confess.
Why are you laughing a dry, mocking laugh I ask her, this is serious, come the day you have to open it under a court order, I want you to be ready.
You don’t have a Swiss Account, she says, and you don’t play cricket and you are 65 years old, you don’t have any indiscretions, even your savings bank account is overdrawn, all you are is predictable like most husbands.
That, I say, is very rude and unfeeling, I’d like you to know the old pizzazz is still humming.
Come to think of it, she says, I wish it were true.
That there were some indiscretions, at least it would add a certain excitement to being married 35 years.
Thirty six, I say, always leaning on the side of accuracy.
There you are, she says, see how one year makes no difference.
You don’t understand, I say, there are shocks and surprises in that envelope.
The last time you surprised us when you stayed more than three years in a job without taking on the management and, believe me, it came as no shock and that was in 2009.
I’ve made wikileaks look like a walk in the park, I say, there are secrets only I know.
There is nothing secret about you, she says, you are an open book and your secrets will not shake the mighty Tiber.
Who is Tiber?
The Tiber, the river, Roman empire, Shakespeare…
What’s with you, I say with some asperity, here I am confessing all and you are yammering on about the Roman empire.
That evening I say, so tried to steam it open, did you, couldn’t resist a peek.
Peek at what.
My sealed envelope.
Oh, that, she said, I’d forgotten about it.
At which point my daughters walk in and see the sealed envelope and, being perceptive and of an expensive education, say, look, a sealed envelope.
It’s your father’s, says my wife, a list of his indiscreet true confessions.
Oh, they say, that, we thought it was something interesting.
(The writer is a Senior Editorial Advisor of Khaleej Times and the paper’s former Editor. He has also been the Editor of Gulf News, Gulf Today, Emirates Today and Bahrain Tribune)
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