JournalismPakistan.com July 22, 2013
Some months back I had written a piece about folks using dummy phrases and a friend of mine said can you freshen it up and put it up again because he can’t track it. So, I have done just that. Enjoy.
As if I need you to tell me that. What did you think I was planning to do, leap in front of a car? What makes you think I am so careless by nature that you have to keep telling me otherwise. It makes me think you have some ‘connections’ in the netherworld and you are warning me because you know there is something lurking out there, what’s with you, trying to scare me, what sort of friend scares his friends, why did you say ‘take care’, what is it you know that I don’t know…I am not paranoid, okay, it is just worrying.
See you around.
Why? Why should you see me around? And if you did, so what? How is it such a big deal? If you saw me around you would see me, yes? So why say it. Like ‘see you’. Obviously. If you see me, you see me, what’s with you. If you don’t see me, you won’t be seeing me, so if you see me, you do. Oh, take that baffled look off your face, it is too subtle for you.
Look after yourself.
Nah, I was planning to shoot myself in the foot, you want to come and watch. No charge.
Long time no see.
Talk about stating the obvious. If you haven’t seen me, you haven’t seen me, if you have, you have, so what exactly is the depth of your observation.
If you meet Jiggs, say hello from me.
Why, can’t you say hello yourself, you like him so much, you call him, don’t get me involved.
How would I know, I am not a magician or one of Pavlov’s puppies, what’s with this tricks stuff, anyway. The only trick I know is a ‘find a card’ trick and it is boring.
Chicken curry, white rice and a potato and garlic mix with lentils, want some.
Hi, how are you doing?
Having you finished your sentence? I am waiting. So why don’t you, what do you mean ‘how are you doing?’ Doing what, where, to whom, ask it.
Say that again. What gives? What gives? What gives!!!!!!!! First, it should be who, second. Gives what to whom, so where is the sense?
Why, have I won a million dollars, did I get the lottery, has my boss been dumped? I couldn’t find parking space, the report I wrote was rejected, the bank wants to discuss my loan, my wife wants to know why I can’t be a little successful and the bills are snow flurrying into my face and you stand here saying, keep smiling, who do you think you are, the sunshine guy?
So, what’s up?
Challenger, Soyuz 3, several hundred jumbo jets, the price line, expenses, cost of living index, you want me to continue.
Now that you mention it I had plans to tie myself up with thick hemp ropes and then pack myself into a sardine can and pull the lid but now that you have given me this profound bit of advice I guess I’ll just let it all hang out.
With you in my life that’s nigh impossible.
Catch you later.
Why would you want to catch me? Do I look like a 20 pound salmon to you? And if I did let you do that it would have to be later, right, you couldn’t catch me yesterday or last week, so why exactly are you saying what you are saying.
So go, who is stopping you, did I say stay, go, come, do what you want, it is your life.
(The writer is a Senior Editorial Advisor of Khaleej Times and the paper’s former Editor. He has also been the Editor of Gulf News, Gulf Today, Emirates Today and Bahrain Tribune)
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