JournalismPakistan.com June 25, 2013
Someone for whom I have very little respect professionally is in trouble. I always thought him a moral coward who fired his gun off other people’s shoulders and hid behind his rank and his secretary, never meeting anyone because he was too busy. You know the type, they block you at the door and inside they are bending paper clips.
Horrible person. But what is annoying me is the frisson of delight that keeps rising in my mind. I try to stuff it back like come on, don’t be happy for someone else’s problems, not nice but it keeps oozing back like foam from a torn pillow.
It is a kind of glee and I feel terribly guilty that I indulge in that glee but when that person has knifed you in the back and let you down can’t you allow yourself a little bit of self-indulgence?
Oh, I don’t like myself for being this way, it is just that after a long time I can’t win the battle. The worrying part is maybe I don’t want to win this battle with my conscience, let conscience take the knock out for once so I can fully enjoy the comeuppance and stop pretending I can rise above it. You are not the better man, Gunga Din.
I want to know more about what’s happening when usually I couldn’t care less and I walk away and never look back. This one has got under my skin.
Why? There is an old saying, never mind how you treat people, never make them feel small about themselves. And he made me feel small.
Not that I carried a doll that looked like him and poked needles in it. Frankly, the irony is I’d forgotten he even existed. It’s just that when I heard the ‘gossip’ I was intrigued and it all came back and though I am not liking myself very much for it, so be it, I am human, too.
(The writer is a Senior Editorial Advisor of Khaleej Times and the paper’s former Editor. He has also been the Editor of Gulf News, Gulf Today, Emirates Today and Bahrain Tribune)
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